The three streams of marriage prep
I had the occasion to visit a couple today who are preparing for marriage. I will have the honour of presiding their wedding ceremony some time next June.
Preparing for marriage can be an overwhelming and confusing task for people, and because for most of them it is the first time around they have to turn to others for some guidance and advice (sometimes good, sometimes lousy). I usually try and break it down for people by explaining what I call the “three streams” of marriage prep.
The first stream is the legal preparation. The priest guides the couple in assembling the necessary documentation, does the official “prenuptial inquiry,” and provides guidance in any complex canonical situations (such as when there has been a previous marriage, etc.).
The second stream is the ceremony preparation. The priest usually provides a marriage preparation booklet for the couple to select readings and other prayers. As well, he guides the couple in the selection of music, and may have a list of musicians or photographers that he has successfully worked with in the past that they may wish to choose from.
The third stream is the pastoral preparation. This usually involves simply getting to know the couple, as well as sending them to a marriage preparation course like Engaged Encounter. It should cover many practical topics, especially the spirituality of the family and education in natural family planning.
There is also a 4th stream, of course, and that is what you might call the “cultural preparation” — reserving a hall, getting a dress, booking a DJ, and the infamous bachelor party. Quite honestly, I don’t want to have anything to do with that stuff….I just leave it up to the couple, and encourage them to keep it decent. And I must say, the other 3 streams are usually enough to get to know people and let the Lord’s blessings start to flow in a special way.